Be honest…  How shitty is your inner dialogue when it comes to loving yourself?

Maybe it’s a subtle negativity…

What were you THINKING?
Look at those wrinkles!
Everybody ELSE knows what they’re doing.

Or maybe it’s downright nasty…

That was such a STUPID thing to say!
Why are you so fat?
You’re a terrible Dad.

Isn’t it something? You wouldn’t say this kind of stuff to your worst enemy, yet here you are saying it DAILY to the only person guaranteed to be with you from your first to last breath?!

Sadly, most of us are trained at a very early age to beat up on ourselves. In this society, we’re infused with the fear that if we stop being hard on ourselves, we won’t improve and be “successful” (AKA “acceptable”) in life. You’re taught to think a certain way instead of loving yourself.

This is SO wrong and completely counter-productive.

Think about it this way… If you had a child – a son or daughter – and you told that child day in and day out how much they sucked, picked on everything they did or said, and were constantly beating up on them… Do you think they’d feel encouraged to grow and take flight in life?

Of course not!

Instead they’d be in a corner rocking back and forth in the fetal position. OR one day they’d just start yelling, “Screw you! I’m not going to do ANYTHING you want me to!”

Well, that’s what happens when you constantly beat up on yourself. You either get energetically stuck in the fetal position or you rebel and end up sabotaging yourself, instead of loving yourself.

On the other hand, imagine how being a truly loving parent to that daughter or son would shake down…

You would be tender with them, encourage them, be playful with them. You would acknowledge their pain, soothe them and help them reframe and rebuild.

Sure, if the kid was engaging in behaviour that let themselves down or was damaging to others, you would probably call them on it… but from a place LOVE.

That would involve understanding that this little being is doing the best they can at this moment with what they know. Instead of shaming them, you would help them figure out how things went wrong and firmly and lovingly support them in taking responsibility and making healthy adjustments.

Basically, it would sound like:

What’s hurting you, my dear?
I will love you no matter what.
Now let’s figure this out together.

And these are the energy and words, in some shape or form, you need to bring to YOURSELF every day because…understanding and love will always build a stronger self than abuse.

As a parent, You must love yourself.

So, every time you notice that you’re beating up on yourself, you need to stop and ask, “Would I treat my own child this way?” Then, tap into that energy of the loving parent in the way you speak to and treat yourself.

Learning to be sweeter to myself has been a revolutionary step in my own personal growth. 

Of course, that doesn’t mean I’m perfect at it. In fact, just the other day I was late for an important appointment and got a block away from my house before I realized I’d forgotten the papers I was going to need. I instantly blurted out loud, “Kimberly! What is WRONG with you?!” As soon as those words were out of my mouth, I caught myself with a big “WHOA!”.

I stopped, immediately softened and said to myself…

I’m sorry Sweetie…you didn’t deserve that. You’re really preoccupied right now…you’ve been shouldering a lot of burden. It’s ok, we’ll get the papers and we’ll deal with what’s on the other end. In the grand scheme of things, it’s really no big f’ing deal. And after this appointment we’re going to try to slow things down a bit. I’ve got you.

By the way, this all happened out loud (I’m a little kooky like that), but this kind of self-dialogue can be completely silent and happen in the span of 5 seconds.

I have an assignment for you.

Interrupt when you start getting nasty with yourself and practice being the loving parent to yourself.

Maybe that will involve getting really curious about what’s motivating some bad behaviour or tenderly bringing your hand to your heart or telling the scared little kid inside of you that you’ll never leave them.

I’d love for you to hit reply and let me know how it goes.

Now go start being be kinder to my sweet friend there!